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CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON (the Emperor's new movie; Yellow peril)
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Long, long ago, in a magical country far, far away, young Lucy Skywalker (Zhang Zi Yi), in her secret identity as Princess Laea (oh, sorry; Princess Jen), comes to the palace guarded by Li Mu Bai kenobi (Chow Yun Fat). She is being seduced by the dark side by her teacher, Jade Lotus (a female Darth Vader).
"The Star Wars of kung fu!" blare the promos. "Everything we go to the movies for!" Eye candy, yes. The scenery is magnificent -- absolutely makes you want to travel there -- and the fights are a highlight reel. But because they have no consequences, neither physical nor emotional, after a while they are curiously boring. Talky static scenes with beautiful cinematography attempt to convey deep meaningful rivers of unconsummated passion between Li Mu Bai and Lui Shen (Michelle Yeoh). Our heroes windmill their arms furiously, leap tall buildings in single bounds of extraordinary aerial ballet, hurl at one another foreign imprecations and oddly shaped slicing objects, then abruptly separate, unruffled and untouched. Swords are stolen, un-stolen, and re-stolen. Characters declaim, fight, and gaze deeply, but neither change nor (apparently) are changed. And the movie ends in a strongly visual but thematically incomprehensible way.
In the end, CROUCHING TIGER is beautifully filmed and audaciously staged chop socky: if it had not been so pretentiously embraced, it could be seen as a pleasant diversion. But those who expect to be moved by a profound or even absorbing story will be disappointed.